My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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