Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
PANTIES FOUND
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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