I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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