who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
