I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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