sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
birth control should be required to get into college
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
