that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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