Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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