My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
