I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
