Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
