A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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