Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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