The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
