I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
