My cat gives me a boner
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
