dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
