4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Less talking, more tequila
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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