I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
