I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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