So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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