Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
