Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
