I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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