Umm I'm too high to move.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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