she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
