No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Panties = found
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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