Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
