u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
