Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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