Me too!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
