just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
