I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
