The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
