Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
