A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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