i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
