He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
