I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
