I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
