dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
