Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize