I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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