Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just pee around me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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