I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
