So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
