these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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