I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
