dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
