I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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