as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
