I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
