the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
