i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
