I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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