Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize