I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
