On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
