According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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