I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
