I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
