You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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