problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
