I just pynch a tree in the face
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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