all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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