I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
