Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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