you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
