Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just invented taco cereal.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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