in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
