I wannas sexs uuuuu
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
