And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she pinky promised me she was 18
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
