If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
