the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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