I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
