he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
