Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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