he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
